Because after all, you really gotta know...

1. Tired of postal workers stealing free sheets acid from subscriber issues.

2. Newsstands kept putting our magazine in the travel section.

3. People get too literal about the meaning of "quarterly."

4. Spent entire editorial budget smoking crack cocaine for "research."

5. We ran out of intelligent things to say.

6. Couldn't find enough cute models for our annual "Psychedelic Swimsuit Issue."

7. Tried of stoners complaining that there weren't any pictures of "tasty buds" in the centerfold.

8. Took entire staff to Burning Man last year, half of them are still missing.

9. Parents and Teachers kept giving our magazine to High School kids saying, "See, drugs are boring!"

10. Magazine? What magazine? We must have been way high!